Hate Mail – For Realz

Yup, I actually received an anonymous hate letter in snail mail….over the Christmas holidays, really?!                             (please use the ….. as dramatic pauses for effect)

I know I live on a lane and all….but it’s not Wisteria Lane of Desperate Housewives….or is it??

I’ve sat on this gem of a letter for almost two months, going back and forth on what I should do with it. I’ve thought long and hard on how I would write about it and why I want to write about it at all. And as the weeks went by I kept finding myself at my computer, fingers pulsating on the keyboard itching to write about what kind of person sends an anonymous hate letter. I’ve researched it online and found comfort in the fact it’s more common than you think. Sad but true. www.britishgraphology.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/The-anonymous-letter-writer.pdf

I’ve chatted with other bloggers that have received eerily similar letters. And it came down to this, I don’t want to shame the author of this devious nonsense, but I do want to shed light on what my family and others in my neighbourhood have gone through. I feel I have a responsibility as a writer, especially since this hate mail came on the heels of my blog post on surviving a sociopath I wrote last November. https://modernink.ca/2016/11/24/surviving-a-sociopath-with-a-thank-you-note/

I understand I’m walking a fine line here and I don’t want this article to come across as accusatory, because that’s not the intention at all – as it really doesn’t matter who wrote it. That’s neither here nor there.

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After three blissful weeks up north celebrating the holiday season, a time of year when it’s encouraged to find peace and joy and be with loved ones and celebrate the rebirth of a brand new year; I arrive home to find this vile letter patiently waiting in my mailbox. I don’t know whether to laugh or cringe that someone would choose Christmas to write and send someone hate mail.  How did they justify that in their head? I’ll never understand.

Let’s think about this for a second, this person actually had to take the time to sit and write this falsely accusing diatribe, print it out, fold it up, put in an envelope, stick a stamp on it – and we all know how that goes, do I have a stamp, I swear I had stamps, where did I put the stamps, are they in my purse, my car, my wallet…..etc. They then either wrote my address with their left hand to disguise themselves or actually had their child do it (equally disturbing), get themselves to a post office or letter box and drop it in. How many times in that process could this person have had a moment to say to themselves, “Is this a good idea? Why do I care so much?” And over Christmas?! Come on!

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In all seriousness, as the world’s women unite and gather across the globe to stand in solidarity and march for our right to be treated with dignity and respect, this person decides to send hate mail to another woman. I sincerely hope the author sees the mockery in their actions. We’re supposed to be raising each other up; not tearing each other down. And to top it all off; we are all raising daughters. I don’t know….I just don’t get it.

This hate and negativity is exactly what I was writing about in my blog that opened up this person’s festering scab in the first place; In my previous post I wrote about what kind of person are you going to be in life when gossip and lies are spread, one that picks up a bucket of water or one that picks up a bucket of gasoline. This author obviously chose to pour gasoline on a smoldering fire that for me was safe to walk away from – never thinking it would reignite. We have all moved on; or so I thought.

I didn’t write that blog post in the middle of the storm, I wrote it after the storm had long past, after I had ample time to dust myself off, clean up the mess and understand the trouble that caused such a storm in the first place. Life isn’t about escaping trouble, how boring would that be; there will always be storms in life, but it’s how you deal with them and learn from them that’s the key to staying in peace.

Let me be clear, I don’t write my blog to make friends; A writer writes to tell a story; at least the letter writer and I can agree on that. My blog is not a news article where I am bound to be non bias. My blog is my opinion, my thoughts, my experiences; MY story. If you don’t like what I write about or don’t find my style of writing interesting or coherent then by all means, don’t click on my website. If someone sends it to you; press delete.

After the letter writer read my blog the hate mail demands I be accountable and responsible for my life and points out the irony of my blog;  but….but… then you send an anonymous letter? Really, who’s not being accountable? Tell me you see the monumental hypocrisy in that. May I suggest you put on another pair of coloured glasses and reread my blog post in a different light? I actually am accountable for all my actions and take responsibility for where my life is today. Just because I say I live in peace and have joy in my life doesn’t mean I had an easy road getting there.

The letter claims my blog is cyber bullying, I am honestly dumbfounded by that and can’t even muster up the energy to debate that. The very action of sending hate mail is the absolute definition of bullying. Period. Especially when you call out people by name in it (first and last!!). Do all those people know you anonymously wrote on their behalf?  If you click on ‘about’ on my homepage you will see my picture, my name, my background…all the information needed to see that I own my company and therefore my blog. Also, my Facebook page, Instagram account, Twitter etc. all have my name attached to anything I post, like, dislike or comment on, so I’m not sure what you mean by taking accountability. Let’s revisit accountability when you put your name to your letter.

An anonymous letter is the most cowardly act; a despicable act and comes from someone who is so unhappy with themselves and their life it wreaks and oozes misery. This hate mail is the very reason I distanced myself from this group of women. When someone is coming from a place of this much anger and hate – they are not in a good place, and I don’t want to be a part of that. If anyone feels that way about me, I don’t begrudge them their opinion, I can respect that. That’s a choice we all get to make, it doesn’t make us bad people, we are just not good for each other, simple as that. There’s nothing wrong with that and we should be big enough to be friendly at a distance. Teach our daughters how to treat people with a little grace and genuine respect for mankind.

It’s been a long journey for me too, I have worked hard on my own life, my family life and it’s still a struggle at times, but the difference is I realize there’s still work to be done and I also realize how far I’ve come. Believe me, I know what it feels like to wield a poison pen. Five, ten and for sure fifteen years ago I too would have wrote something like that and sent it off anonymously because I was not in a good place in my life. I was struggling to make peace with my past; find my way as a wife and a new mom; let go of my mistakes and committed to do better only when I knew how and realized I needed to.

So, I can understand how writing that letter would make you feel good for a day or two. But I also know you can’t feel good about sending that filth to someone in the long run. Deep down inside; you just can’t.

I wanted to say that I forgive you, but something about that wasn’t sitting right with me; so after I thought more on it, I realized, this isn’t about forgiveness, because I don’t care enough about you to forgive you for anything. And I don’t mean that in a way that I wish you ill, harm or unhappiness, nothing of the sort, but there is nothing to forgive. Your letter didn’t hurt me or unhinge me; it actually inspired me to do better. I am absolutely over the moon blessed that a person who would send something so vile and cowardly isn’t a friend of mine. I feel so grateful and lucky to have shed that kind of negativity that I actually want to thank you. I wish you would have actually put your name to it; owned it, talked to me about it, not hide behind a poison pen and used anonymity as your safety shield. It’s cowardly and dishonorable.

You offered up some advise for me to consider at the end of your anonymous hate letter so I hope you don’t mind allowing me to do the same for you and others in your situation. Do yourself a huge favour and put me in your rearview mirror. Whatever you think of me seems to be dragging you down and I shouldn’t hold that much power over your life. Focus on your own path, your own family, your circle of friends and nurture those relationships in your life; put down that “machete” you referred to because you might not realize that sending anonymous hate mail is really disgraceful and more importantly you have dishonored yourself.  I hope you can find happiness, it’s worth taking a good long look in the mirror and asking yourself; “What did I gain by sending someone hate mail?”            I know what I gained; another ‘good story’ to tell.

mr-rogers

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